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Over the weekend we watched The Box. Sadly, it was not a documentary about box-making ("We don't assemble them here. That's done in Flint, Michigan.") It was, rather, a disappointing sci-fi drama... thing.

I'll admit that I am a fan of Donnie Darko. I enjoy the use of the 80's setting and I think the plot is fun to unravel. However, Richard Kelly went off the deep end on The Box. From what I understand it's from a quite short Richard Matheson story originally - probably not long enough to make a feature-length movie. Well, that didn't stop ol' Dick Kelly! He padded out the screenplay with whatever crazy shit he could come up with! The result is enough plot for about three movies, and a whole bunch of loose ends. It starts out good, and has some decent scenes, but in the end you are just frustrated by all the wacky shit they never bother to explain. I'm afraid I can't recommend it, friends.

Box.

Box 2: HyperBox.

The Informant!: I was expecting this one to fall somewhere between mediocre and boring. It started out strong enough, then it became kind of a struggle to stay awake, and then it got awesome. Watching Matt Damon's character just completely destroy himself through lies is fascinating. By the time it was over, I thought it was pretty great. Plus there are a shitload of fun cameos to spot, from Patton Oswalt to Pete Hornberger from 30 Rock. 5 out of 6, um, informants.

Fantastic Mr. Fox: Definitely a Wes Anderson movie, but not as smug as some of his other work. Charming, clever, random and fun to look at. All around solid movie. 5 out of 6 Clooneys.

I too watched some movies this weekend.

Men who stare at goats: nowhere as good as I wanted it to be, the cast seemed like they had fun. Just a shame it didn't transfer through the screen a little more. The fact that the movie is kinda true is the funniest thing. 3 goats fell over after staring at 6.

Lone Wolf and the Cub: Part 1: As I have only seen and enjoyed Shogun Assassin (the western bastardization of all the parts of the Lone Wolf and the cub series) it was actually very revealing to watch the original movie. It actually made sense in a 1970's Japanese way, which you could never accuse Shogun Assassin of. Looking forward to netflix delivering the rest. 4 bubbling arteries out of 6.

Thirst: Vampire movie from the guy who brought you Oldboy. It started out slow and confusing but once it got to the meat of the story it improved dramatically. Some of the wire work/cgi was pants. However, I did see Korean cock. 3 people wished this movie had a corridor and hammer scene out of 6.

Legend of the Shadowless Sword: not sure what that title was about. Movie was OK. Do all men in Korea wear mascara? 2 lady-boys out of 6.

We watched The Informant! quite recently as well. I had no idea who the guy was when I sat down to watch it so it was a complete shock when I found out he was lying. And lying. And.... lying. I thought it would be a case of Corporate Villain taken down by the little guy. Not so much. Still definitely worth watching.

Mustache Matt Damon digs himself a hell of a hole in that movie.

Last weekend I watched all 10 episodes of Party Down on Netflix streaming. I had never heard of it, and it was surprisingly great. The cast is amazing.

- Louie from The State
- Bill Haverchuck
- Jane Lynch
- Stifler's Mom
- J. Jonah Jameson
- Senor Chang
- Ed Begley Jr.

There's also swearing and nudity and drugs. Highly recommended. 6 out of 6 catered events.

I'll have to check it out. I'm always looking for new things to watch on Netflix streaming. My girlfriend has been suggesting we watch The Proposal but I'm resisting.




I'm gonna dip my balls in it!

Rock Bollocks, you were overly generous with your goats. I give that movie one goat out of six.

The book was a fascinating piece of narrative journalism. The movie was a boring mess. The only interesting parts were the flashbacks, which were taken directly from the book. Everything else - the wife, the buddy road trip through Iraq, the reunion at the end - was all made up. They should have just done an Oliver Stone-style biopic. The subject matter was cool enough without forcing a fake story into it.

Paranormal Activity: This movie was okay, but kind of repetitive and predictable. Also, when invisible demon feet start tracking prints into your bedroom and your girlfriend has bite marks, it's time to go find some help in a public place, or at least close the door while you sleep. I'll give it 3 demons out of 6, but only because the actress in it had a sweet rack.

I had a DVD fest this weekend plus I installed 2 new 10 inch down firing sub woofers and a really nice sized center speaker. Bring on the brown note.

2012: This wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. There was a Fuck word in it, with plenty of mouthing WTF....(how does that get in the script...do they mention to mouth the words WTF? cause it's PG-13?). I didn't get the giant ships? Why not submarines? And why launch in China? what if the water hadn't had got that high...kinda fucked. 2 where the fuck did LA go out of 6.

Battle for Terra: Or battle for terrible (which they lost) as I call it....ho ho ho...see what I did...I'm awesome. I'd heard the Computer animation was really good, but I thought it kinda sucked apart from the space stuff and the aerial battles. Maybe it wasn't actually the rendering that was shit but just the general design I didn't like...who knows? However, the story sucked. It tried to be a little Avatar or some such. 1 give me Kung Fu Panda any day out of 6.

Moon: Was a drifter but it was pretty good. I worked out the twist pretty quick. Very solid Science Fiction, but it reminded me of Space 1999. Music was rather good. 4 I've always wanted to see Sam Rockwell moon out of 6

Tranformers 2: I actually hated it less at home than when I watched it at the movie theater. It just seemed a jumbled mess, you couldn't see who was fighting who and who just got an eye punched out. However, at home, it was a little easier to see what was going on. As a side note it was also easier to hear the transformers smack talking each other while fighting, that sucked. There's a lot to hate about this film but I watched it for a second time knowing that I didn't like it much and I liked it more. Also, they tried to push the bad language in this movie, I wish Transformers 3 will be Michael Bay channeling Bad Boys 2...that will make me very excited. 3 who just punched who and called who a faggot out of 6.

Oh...and I watch Paranormal Entity on Netflix instant on demand kinda thing...It was like Paranormal Activity but with more 100% more naked tit. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected and even got me a little nervous when I went to bed. 3 randy ghosts out of 6.

2012. The entire movie is about fleeing immediate peril. For 2 hours and 38 minutes. Also, the ticket price on one of the arks was one billion Euros. How many billionaires are there in the world? And how many of them know anything about masonry, metal working, or agriculture. Something to think aboot when humanity gets their collective arks pushed in. 4 out of 10 arks.

Double also, is California made of paper mache?

Moon. Pretty solid Sci-fi, I liked it enough to buy the Dvd. That said, I bet Sam Rockwell would totally try to put the moves on your girl if you ran down to the corner store to get more beer.

Transformers 2. Not even sure what happened in this movie. You know what was awesome? That GI Joe mini-series where they made Serpentor. I'm gonna see if Netflix has that.

I watched the Rifftrax of Transformers 2 and it was still nearly intolerable. I can't tell any of the robots apart (it doesn't help that half of them have the Dr. Claw voice) and Megan Fox looks like a mannequin. Michael Bay is laughing at us, people.

Also, JB, you just summed up Sam Rockwell perfectly. I never would have figured out how to quite describe him, but that fits.

I can't bring myself to watch Transformers 2 again, and I say that as someone who owns the first one.

This weekend I watched that Michael Jackson documentary. It was actually kind of interesting. I can't even imagine the millions of dollars that were spent on the production before he died. The sets and films and effects were insane. The most entertaining part was watching this crazy person say crazy shit, and then watching all of these people around him falling over themselves to kiss his ass. Interesting behind-the-scenes look at a child molesting lunatic, and there's no denying how talented he was. 5 out of 6 oxygen tents.

2012 is in the mail as I type this.

Another big DVD weekend for me.

Pandorum: This movie was ok but for the life of me, I'm not sure what was going on and what the hell the story was about. I know they left earth for greener pastures but what? There was a whole bunch of information shoehorned in, in a throw away fashion you never really knew what to take notice of. 2 science fiction boob jobs out of 6.

Extract: Mike Judge...this wasn't that funny. However, it's Mila Kunis quota was high, and I'd break her in like a new saddle. Well, like I think a new saddle needs breaking in. She'd have issues walking for a bit, at the very least. 1 this just wasn't that funny out of 6 without Kunis or 5 I would totally store that in my basement for the future out of 6 with Kunis.

Avatar: I got it on Bluray...it was very pretty and it shows off my surround sound and 1080p TV very nicely. 4 it makes my dick feel bigger out of 6.

Saving Private Ryan: On Bluray....it was as awesome as it was on DVD but better looking. They actually did a bit with the colors so it looks a little brighter and colored. 5 rides on the back of the bus out of 6.

I liked Extract. It wasn't great, but it was definitely watchable. I want to see Avatar again but I'll wait until they re-release it on IMAX this summer. Given the absolute shit summer movie schedule, I bet that movie makes a lot more money.

Sherlock Holmes: I made it about 45 minutes in before I fell asleep. I was tired, but I felt like there wasn't much of a story, and it was just Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law acting like a bickering married couple and mumbling witty little quips at each other. When I finished it the next day, it was a little bit better. Set design was pretty cool, and it wasn't a bad way to kill a couple of hours. The story still kind of sucked and it moved so quickly you couldn't really piece the mystery together; it just kind of raced around between set pieces, and then it ended while setting up a completely different movie. 4 out of 6 mumbly British quips.