Scanner + Sandwich = Scanwich.

There’s also a search function in case you’re having trouble finding your favorite scanned sandwich.

www.scanwiches.com

(P.S. The title of this post comes from right over here.)

It’s been a while since we’ve seen anything to get excited about on The Internet.  And then, out of nowhere, here’s the Heart Attack Sandwich: chicken-fried steak, chicken-fried bacon, a country sausage, a fried egg and a fried green tomato topped with cheddar cheese, all sandwiched between buns toasted in bacon fat, served with a gravy dipping sauce.

This is why you’re fat.  Ambitious monuments to everything that is right and wrong with America, this is food that does not give a fuck about you.  Gloriously inspired pictures of heart-stopping insanity with simple descriptions and nothing else.  These beautiful creations push the envelope into a deep fryer, and then top it with bacon and cheese and shove it into a glazed donut.

Kick back, pour yourself a delicious McNuggetini and experience the wonder at http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/.

When updating your Facebook status 12 times a day just isn’t enough, there’s Twitter.  From what I can tell, it’s a site where people can write about what they’re doing at any given second of the day and share that information with people who don’t care.

On the other hand, Nick Nolte is fucking awesome.

• “I hereby appoint this bottle of whiskey secretary of being my best friend.”
• “I just won a gold medal in the taking a dump olympics.”
• “Woke up in the yard again. Nice day out today.”
• And so forth.
  

So it turns out Twitter is actually good for one thing.  And that thing is Nick Nolte.

http://twitter.com/nick_nolte

Get Your War On is a raw, bitter and awesome satirical comic strip in which clip art characters get angry over over our country’s fucked-up political travesty.  You’ve probably seen it in Rolling Stone or some alternative newspaper, but if you like animation better than reading, then you’re in luck, buddy!  23/6 just launched a pile of spiffy-looking cartoons based on the strip. 

Why, here’s one now:

There’s a whole bunch of others at www.236.com. And there’s a new episode posted every week, so be sure to follow the ongoing adventures of two office dicks yelling at each other over the phone.

Mmmm….deep fried encyclopedia.

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words. Sexy People is an uncomfortable collection of terrible professional portraits. No wise-ass commentaries to be found here - just names, dates and countries of origin. This site has a little bit of everything: 80’s hair, vacant stares, mullets, matching mustaches and…..whatever the hell this is.

Whether you used to be goofy-looking or you’re hard to look at now, take a trip back through time at http://renz-o.blogspot.com and dive headfirst into our creepy, awkward gene pool.

Anyone can make a disastrous cake. But it takes a special someone to bake an abomination and get paid for it. To that end, Cake Wrecks is a very special blog featuring pictures of professionally awful baked goods, followed by snarky and insightful commentary.

From unnecessary quotation marks to customer directions recreated verbatim in icing, these unappetizing disasters are sure to ruin any special occasion. There’s even a “cake” made out of meat and mayo-based salads. Plus, it’s kind of fun to say “Cake Wrecks”.

Cake Wrecks.

Visit http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com and pass on dessert. Forever.

Wikipedia defines an Internet meme as the propagation of a digital file or hyperlink from one person to others using methods available through the Internet.

In simpler terms, Internet memes are dumb shit that gets passed around online.

Memes typically start out as a random video or image or pretty much anything picked up somewhere online. They get passed around and posted to forums like 4chan and Something Awful and usually get Photoshopped in a downward spiral of ever-increasing creative stupidity. To the casual observer, they’re either somewhat amusing or completely unintelligible. To bottom-dwelling Internet creatures, they are the height of digital entertainment. In reality, they occupy that strange space in between - unbelievably stupid, strangely fascinating and somehow funny in spite of themselves.

The tiniest Internet pebble can set off an avalanche of meme retardation. Here are some examples:

• All Your Base Are Belong To Us: Dating back to 2001, this “Engrish” translation from an old Sega Genesis game is one of the most well-known memes, spawning a Flash animation, endless images, pop culture references and t-shirts.
• Dramatic Chipmunk - A gopher turns its head toward the camera on a Japanese game show in 2007. That pretty much it, but the Internet went apeshit for this one.
• I Can Has Cheezburger - People take pictures of cats and add broken English “lolspeak” captions. Quite possibly the apex of human culture.

For the record, those are the more tasteful examples. There’s also Pedo Bear, Brian Peppers, goatse and endless others, but you can Google those and learn about them yourself.

With so many wonderful and necessary memes out there, you might find it hard to keep track of the evolution of Internet hilarity. Good news! Some crazy person out there used Dipity.com to create a comprehensive Internet meme resource! Now you can learn everything you don’t need to know about pointless Internet viral crap! There’s an interactive timeline, listing, flipbook and map, all with the actual memes themselves built right in for extra convenience. Never again wonder why or when 2 Girls 1 Cup became an Internet sensation!

Not only is this a handy reference to Internet idiocy - Dipity.com is actually some pretty sweet Internet in its own right. Relive Internet history at http://www.dipity.com/user/tatercakes/timeline/Internet_Memes.

The Internet may be a super-intelligent computer army sent from the future to educate, entertain and eventually kill us all, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. It’s hard to believe, but even The Internet makes mistakes - just like us!

Of course, who is more foolish? The fool, or the fool that follows him? I don’t know the answer to that question, but this Chinese billboard is awesome.

So while it’s tempting to blindly follow our HTML overlord to our certain doom, try getting a second opinion when translating things online, because printing a server error on an expensive sign is like following cross-country driving directions from a crazy homeless person and then ending up in the ocean.

The Perry Bible Fellowship is awesome. On the surface, Nicholas Gurewitch’s colorful comic strips kind of look like illustrations for a children’s book. Then you read a few and realize they balance a fine line between a strange kind of sweet innocence and some pretty twisted shit. Brilliant and dark, each short comic typically ends in some clever twist involving sex and/or violence, although somehow it never seems cheap or offensive. It’s a clever and refreshing alternative in a world of terrible newspaper comic strips, and the skilled variation in artistic style alone is enough to keep you busy for hours.

PBF comics used to be found in a variety of publications, but as of February 2008, it’s been on hiatus. Thankfully, a complete archive of every single strip can be found on The Internet at www.pbfcomics.com. The site also includes a bunch of interviews and a link to a printed collection available through Amazon.

Seriously, read The Perry Bible Fellowship. It will make you a better person.

I’d like to believe that The Condiment Packet Museum would exist without The Internet. Maybe on a dusty road in the backwoods of Kentucky, or in a shitty run-down amusement park, or at the very least, in our hearts.

Luckily, that’s a scenario we’ll never have to face. This town is absolutely crawling with Internet, and The Condiment Packet Museum has been a big part of it since 1999! That means you’re just a click away from nearly 1,000 assorted single-serving packets of ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, mayo, jam, seasonings and so much more!

Well, not too much more. That’s pretty much it.

The Internet: helping weird people share their weird hobbies since 1847.